Let's plan this out now and be done with it.

So this past Tuesday, Francis, my grandfathers' girlfriend of ten years passed away.



The memorial service/mass was this past Friday and in normal Catholic fashion, it bore all of the pomp and circumstance of every other Catholic mass except that this one focused on the deceased. Jebus, The Almighty One and the deceased. I was raised in the Catholic Church but as I have aged, I have not seem eye to crucifix if you catch my drift. Of course this is much to the disappointment of the family as well as the numerous priests and brothers that join my family during the holidays. Not to long ago one of the brothers that joined us for Christmas was Mr. Eko from LOST, I swear it.

Anywho, it's just not "me". I won't bore you with why but for the purpose of this post, I just needed to make this little fact about me known for those of you who don't really know me.

As I was sitting in the pews of the church and the memorial mass was going on, I couldn't help but think about how what I was seeing was the exact opposite of what I wanted for myself.

First of all, let it be said that I am immortal and will live forever, but in the even that I am wrong and I do pass away, here is a list of things that I would like to be done...


  • No mass or religious ceremony, instead a party with beer and hotwings, hotdogs and a ton of food that isn't good for you. Don't forget dessert... ice cream sundaes.

  • No church. Rent out a hall somewhere or better yet, can you rent a Hooters for the afternoon and have the girls give a eulogy?

  • I don't want to by buried in a box. I've seen "Six Feet Under" the Fishers were always trying to make some extra money. Just char-grill me or whatever they do for cremation. Sprinkle my ashes somewhere fun. Not the mall. I fucking hate the mall.


  • Oh, on the subject of religion, No quoting the bible! If you want to quote something, quote your favorite posts from my blog. I'm partial to the "subway chipotle" post or "The Mister Mister Affair" or hell, I don't know, check the archives.

  • Tell the truth when speaking of me. At Francis' funeral kind words were spoken but nobody mentioned the truth. Yes, she was a sweet, kind and wonderful person who I will miss, but she was also bat-shit crazy and she knew how to make you laugh. So what if it's a funeral. Be honest.


That's basically it, I'm sure I will think of others and when I get the ideas, I'll pass it on.

4 comments:

Trav 11:27 AM  

Very good post.
If I'm gonna eulogize ya, I'm choosing this one.
It made me laugh, cry, and come to terms with my own mortality.
2 very enthusiastic thumbs up!
On a serious note, I am sorry to hear about Francis' passing. Never got to meet her, but have heard of her many times from you over the years.
It was cool of you to go and pay your respects.

Brian 2:15 PM  

I am trying to commit yo posting on schedule again as inspired from you and your desire to post more. So keep your eyes peeled for even more posting and less lazy posts (video clips)

swirlogirl 10:55 AM  

i'm sorry for hoeboy's loss. that was a nice post and believe me my eulogy for you will include: IT'S BRITNEY BITCH

steph 11:08 AM  

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH good god i need to get with the times and read people's blogs more regularly. sorry this happened dude. and more importantly why isn't it the end of september yet? we's gonna raise some shenanigans when you get to town!




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