Wait.... what?

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there! I hope all of you have enjoyed the look into the archives. I promise to throw some more out there from time to time. I am hoping to get a AV input for the computer so I can start digitizing all sorts of little nuggets for you to snack on.

Yesterday I stopped in to the local Borders across the street from work to pick up a gift card for our employee picnic. As I approached the cashier, I noticed a sign that read:

DEAR CUSTOMERS,

TO MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU SO YOUR TRANSACTION IS COMPLETED CORRECTLY, PLEASE BE SURE TO END ALL TELEPHONE CALLS BEFORE APPROACHING THE CASHIER.

THANK YOU!


I got a bit of a chuckle. I pointed to the sign and said, "That's a nice touch" to the scrawny bookworm dude behind the desk. "I think its a bit rhetorical since they are obviously reading it.", he replied condescendingly with his pointy little nose poised way up in the air.

I paid him and left. As I was leaving, I was hearing him over and over in my head.

Its a bit rhetorical.
Its a bit rhetorical.
Its a bit rhetorical.
Its a bit rhetorical.
Its a bit rhetorical.
Its a bit rhetorical.

What the fuck? That doesn't even make sense. Does working at a Borders give you the right to just make up statements and pass them off as intelligent thought? Does it give you the right to talk down to people? For christsakes man, you're working at Borders, It's not even Barnes and Nobel. Superfluous maybe, but definitely not rhetorical. I like to think that he realized what he said and clobbered himself over the head with "The History of the Impressionists" book that was so proudly being displayed behind the counter.

15 comments:

steph 10:16 AM  

man i hate that kind of crap! like when you go to the video store and they get all "i can't believe you're renting that, i'm better than you" when you rent the l word dvds!

not that i watch the l word. i'm just saying. if you did. i bet that's what it'd be like. yeah.

Brian 10:45 AM  

Steph, Steph, Steph. Fear not judgement as this a place of kindness (on the most part). Be open with yourself to others and embrace our loving understanding.

Miss Maggotus 4:42 PM  

Instead of clobbering himself over the head with " The History of the Impressionists" book, I can tell you exactly what happened.

We'll call this dude "Neil." As soon as Neil realized the error of his ways, instead of wallowing in guilt for acting the way that he did.. He simply excused himself to go to the backroom to work on inventory.. and as soon as everyone quickly realized the backroom was in the opposite direction, they heard three simple noises..

" Chk.. Chk... BOOOOMMM!"

Josh 6:38 PM  

Man, poor Neil.. Brian made him kill himself. He was just trying to sound important and make it into the cool group at borders. We all know he's been trying to win the heart of the most popular girl at borders, Miss Janice Perkins, (Ladies non fiction)...But ofcourse she's dating Brock Neighbors (Men's Health) and has been seen several times with Luke Goldberg Hammershmit (Wealth and Finances.. Neil was just trying to use big words to get her attention. Ever since he came to this store from the KB's at the local mall, he has been treated like lower class trash by his fellow employees. The only friend he has in the world is the wise janitor, Earl Jones. But sadly Earl only works at nite so Neil sits a corner table in the employee break room while all the cool kids are out on a smoke break discussing Mozart, Emily Dickenson, and the new Bleu cheese diet in the current "O" Magazine. He crys himself to sleep in the rolls and rolls of register tape at lonely, register number 6...

swirlogirl 6:50 PM  

man i don't want them to make small talk with me AT ALL! allow me, neil... CHK CHK!

Josh 6:52 PM  

I think we all need to open a book for a moment of silence... Bag Pipes if you please...

steph 7:04 PM  

if i don't get some ice cream right fucking now someone's gonna hear the chk-chk-BOOM!

Trav 10:01 PM  

LOL!
SHeeeeeiiiit.
You guys are cracking me up.
These posts could be turned into a novel.
Look for it in the fiction shelves soon, right next to the new Dr. Phil books (you know that shit's made up).

Brian 11:53 AM  

There was nobody around! Who was Neil trying to impress. The object of his affection was nowhere to be seen. I think she wants nothing to do with him. As a matter of fact, as I was walking through the store I thought I heard a young woman talking about how pathetic he is.

Take my words, I shed no tears for Neil. Not one.

Josh 2:31 PM  

Thats just the problem. Someone such as Lance Maryweather (Store Manager, and cool guy to the max) needs to take him under his wing to help guide and nurture him. That way he would not be soooo pathetic as Miss Janice Perkins belives. Just as in the classic tale of Serino, Lance could give him advise from a clandestine spot in the backroom using the instore closed circuit handheld radios. Lance could help him gain the much needed vocabulary which in turn would give him the much needed confindence. The confidence he needs to go into the breakroom, take back that snack pack that Brock had stolen from his sack lunch, invest his earnings properly with Luke, and sweep young Miss Janice Perkins right off her feet.

Josh 2:31 PM  

i see a screen play.....SNORE!!!!!!

steph 3:10 PM  

josh, your spelling of cyrano is atrocious but i heart you anyways.... SNORE!!!

Wendizell 11:01 AM  

Excuse me... all I can say as a Communications and RHETORICAL Studies major.....he has no idea what he is talking about..he probably saw the word in a book he was reading while sitting alone in the corner of the breakroom. All the while wishing he worked at Barnes and Noble because at least he could have had a nice Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks do go along with his sorrow.

Brian 11:49 AM  

Wedny? Are you blogging now?

Josh 4:38 PM  

but I guess it doesn't matter now, Brian made Neil kill himself... So he'll never know that he used the word incorrectly. Isn't that Ironic, don't you think, a little too ironic, you know, I really do think..its like rain on your wedding day, like a death row pardon two minutes too late...




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