SuperDick


I know in the past, I hinted that Superman was a dick, but today I was watching the end of the Superman movie from the 80's and have some solid thoughts about the subject. Here's the facts:

FACT #1:Superman can be out saving people and doing the right things instead he's trying to get in the see-through pants of one Miss Lois Lane.

Margot Kidder at a dinner party? Hope she doesn't go freaky freaky!



FACT #2:Young photographer Jimmy Olsen is dickin' around at the top of a dam when he earthquake hits. Now yes, he was stupid and instead of running for his life, stuck around to snap some pictures. Hanging from the edge of the collapsed section of the damn, Superman comes along to save him. Nice. The dick head part is that Sup drops him off in the middle of nowhere. "You should be safe here kid", he says as he flies off. Jimmy, left alone in the middle of the dessert has to fight off cobras and zombie to get back to town. At least I would think that's what would happen.


FACT #3: Drab-ass Lois Lane doesn't fill her gas tank when she should have and has now run out of gas. A big ass animated fault line comes running underneath her car. Does she get out and run like hell? No, she just sits there and watches it in the rear view mirror. The result, her car goes into the ditch and she gets buried alive. After saving the little model town from the rush of water coming from the broken dam, he takes off to find Lois. He only sees the trunk of her car poking up from the dirt. Using his super strength, he pulls the car out and Lois as well. He just looks at her like a sad puppy. Hello!?! Every hear of CPR? She hasn't been unconcious that long. Instead, he just belts out a scream and leaves her there.


FACT #4: He's going to right a wrong. Spin the world backwards to reverse time? Sure. We'll play along. But what's that voice he hears? It his own wishing he could have saved his adopted father. But did he? Hell no, there's nothing in it for him. Let's turn back time for some poon tang!

So he saves the world and Lois. He takes Luthor to prison. Note for Lex Luthor: When being flown into prison by Superman and the warden asks you who you are, don't answer that you are `The Greatest Criminal Mastermind in the World', its probably not good for your chance of parrol.

In other news, I watched Mr. Ed today and he flew a plane (badly) he had aviator goggles, cap and all. It was classic!

See ya' Thursday!

5 comments:

Miss Maggotus 2:57 PM  

Mr. Sikorski, I wanted to let you know that I got your card, and I want to thank you and Melissa! Very kickass of you! You'll be receiving a caligraphy thank you note in the mail, which will express my gratitude more in depth. :]

steph 2:26 PM  

okay i never saw the superman movies and now i never will because you ruined the entire plotline for me! for shame!!!

Brian 4:07 PM  

Oh, Sorry. There's other parts in there too that you would like. And by the way, do I get the points for naming an 80's movie that you haven't seen?

swirlogirl 9:03 PM  

hahahah man WHAT A DICK!

steph 10:20 PM  

oooo that's a good point, i'll give you points for superman! (but not for the sequels, as none of them were mentioned here)




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