R.You kidding me?



So I saw the video for R.Kelly's new song "Trapped in the Closet". I thought it was a joke at first. This couldn't be real. Then I heard it on the radio. I couldn't believe how long this piece of crap is. For those of you who have not heard this shit... Here is chapters 1, 2 and 3 for the 5 friggin' part song. I would need an entire day to listen to this story.

As a service to the readers of "Having a Wonderful Time", I present you with a revised version of R.Kelly's jam.

"It's three in the mornin'
I'm thinkin' I'm hungry.
I go to the Kroger,
The, door, opeeeeens uuuup
I say, 'What is this magic that's happenin' in front of meeeeee?'
I must be someone special.
The doors they part to let meeee iiiin.

People are lookin.
The people the're lookin at me.
I've got some munchies on the mind
and I've got somethin' I need to find!

I walk down this aisle.
I think to my self, do I want chips,
I think, 'yes',
I think, 'no'
YES
NO
YES
NO
I keep walkin', walkin' for snacks!

I get to the Twinkies,
I see Twinkie the kid!
I haven't seen him in thousand years!
As Im readin' the wrapper,
my cell phone goes off,
it just my contact,
tryin' to sell me some kiddie porn!
I shut my phone,
This isn't the time!
This isn't the place!

I choose the Twinkies,
Almost the Ding-Dong's
I think I made the right choooiiiiice!
I walk to the register!
This old lady was standing there!
She looked at me carefully!
Like I was going to rob heeeerrrrr!

She says do you have a discount card!
I tell her I do.
She says give it to me!
I look on my keychain....
I look in my pocket......
I can't find the fuckin' thing!

I tell her don't worry about it.
Maybe next time.
She says its two oh one.
I think damn, when did they raise the priiiiiccccce!

So hand her my WIC check.
She says I can't use it here!
I say it's food stamps!
And Twinkies are a type of foooooood.

She says I can't
The drama is heatin'
I wanna get out of here,
I give her a fifty,
she counts back the change.
I throw her a look as I walk out those dooooors.

I eat up the Twinkie.
The cream tasted so goooood.
Then I wondered how do they get the cream in there?
It boggled the mind!

I stayed up all night!
Thinkin' about Twinkies,
two perfect cakes,
stuffed with cream.

I love them.




Oh, and on another note, this is for Trav.

3 comments:

Trav 10:31 PM  

AGGGGHHHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Toooooooooo friggin' FUNNY!
LOVE Dr. Stupes up there at the top and LOVE the pic! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
That shit is about as funny as the commercial for the Dennis Leary Fireman show on FX.
You seen that shit?!?! Him jumping off the roof! HEEEEELARIOUS!
(NIce CG face dude!)

steph 10:16 AM  

yeah well it might've been a pic for trav but i went and looked and DAMN i was offended!!!!

and that r.kelly song was amazing!

swirlogirl 1:01 PM  

hahah why is r kelly still even allowed to make records and why are people buying. he pees on little girls!




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