Numer One or Number Two?

So yesterday I stopped in to my local Target Optical to get an eye exam for a new pair of glasses. As I enter, I am greeted by my name (nice touch) and asked to fill out a questionnaire. The form is on one of the smallest pieces of paper ever. It was like the size of a post-it note. On the form it asked the standard fare, name, age, history of eye disease, but it also asked questions so they could best tailor their sales towards my best needs. "Favorite Hobbies". Hum. I had to think about this one. Before moving here to Orlando, all I ever did was work. I had very little free time for anything else. Now, I find myself just lounging. As the photo in my previous post recalls. (Melissa says that since we've moved here I've been gaining weight.) With all that said, I listed "lounging" as my hobby of choice.

The next question asked "What kind of Sporting Activities do you participate in?" Can I put down Texas Hold-'Em Poker? They show it on ESPN? No? I just put "None-See Above".

While filling out the form, the gal behind the counter asks to take my glasses to see my current prescription. This leaves me extremely near-sighted. I have to hold my nose two inches from the paper to be able to see it. Needless to say, I completed the form and went on to the torture of the eye exam.

I know lots of people hate going to the dentist. They see it as a form of torture (sorry Duane), but I tell you the optometrist is really no better. "The Pressure Test". For those of you not familiar, its when you put your head in a contraption reminiscent of something out of "A Clockwork Orange" just to have you "stare at the little light". BAM! They hit your eye with a puff of air. No warning. BAM! Then they move to the other one. You stare at the unentertaining light and again, without warning, BAM! What the fuck!?!?! "Is this necessary?", I ask. "Yes".

You know what happens next. "Which is better 1 or 2?", "8 or 9?", "Easier or harder to read?" It's mind numbing. The last part is the piest de resistance... Drops in the eyes to dilate the pupils. "The drops should take a few moments to work. Have a seat here and wait. I pick up a magazine. Why are all the magazines, Red Book and Marie Claire? So as I am reading one of the magazines and finding out which is the best handbag for my shape", I realize that the text is getting harder to read. I'm going blind. What has he done to me? Then I remember the doc saying, "These drops will make seeing things close up very difficult and you will be very sensitive to bright light."

"What?, Like a magwai?", I asked.

He just kinda chuckled. So I am left in the waiting room to actually wait. My eyes are tearing up. Being totally impatient, I spring to my feet and begin trying on frames. I find one I like and place my order. I can't wait to get them. I am a little unsure about the quality of my choice since my eye's were diluted. We'll see!

I go back in to the doc and he puts on a funky cole miners hat and puts a yellow gel in front of my "perfectly young and healthy eyes", as he described them. I think he was coming on to me.

He kept pushing me to get contacts. I've worn glasses since I was in the third grade and really can't see myself without them. Its who I am baby. He kept trying though. Melissa later tells me that thats how the eye industry makes money. "Contacts are disposable", she said. How infuriating.

The rest of the day, while trying to hide in the shade, I was reminded of an episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns gets his "treatment" and it made me laugh.

In other news, Rachel got out of her Driver's Ed class, so she and Trav drove straight down from Roanoke, VA yesterday. They got in early thing morning, got some rest and are off to Universal Studios today.

Vacation is still excellent and its only in its fourth day.


swirlogirl 12:25 AM  

you people are crazy! i hope there will be pictures. the blogosphere misses travis' antics! i need new glasses too.

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